Oh Bloggy I have so much to tell you, but… I have not the stamina to bring you up to speed in one sitting, so I will tell you segments, that will be appropriately named “Thailand… What is it good For?” so…

Thailand What is it Good For?

I think that I will talk about food this segment, as it has been the source of most of my joys and woes, but it’s such a broad subject I wouldn’t know where to begin. I know! I will begin with a picture…

Mmm, wow does that look like a tasty beverage. One morning I apparently slept in (to 730) and I awoke to the sound of crazed maid banging on my door, I scrambled on pants and opened it so see her holding this. As you could imagine I felt pretty good, I do love the occasional orange julius two hours before I want to wake up, I really do. It tasted like I would imagine s**t to taste like. Assuming the animal was on a primarily sidewalk chalk and flour diet of course. And if you’re thinking “hey, s**t isn’t cold” you’re right. When she handed me the glass I got a second degree burn on the palm of my hand, pretty sure it burnt a ring into my tv stand too. Its good if you like warmed cream of wheat straight from the box, or if you like to pray for your morning breath back.

Thai food is really full of surprises all around, and not just the “oh this IS meat” surprises but “what in the love of god” surprises that keep sending us back to those street vendors who second as animal control experts. I was surprised at how similar Pad Thai here was to the Pad Thai I made in the microwave back home. Just a few extra steps…

American Style:

1. Follow microwave directions

2. Eat

Thai Style:

1. Follow microwave directions

2. Dunk it in a fish tank

3. Marinate it in a cow barn

4. Eat with albino bean sprouts and cabbage

I know Right?! How cool is that, I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. But then again I’m not, because I’m starting to associate the feeling of hunger with the taste of egg. “pom gin jai” has two meanings here, one being “I’m a vegetarian” and the other “I don’t eat meat so just put like 4 fried eggs in there, yeah, and a stick of butter.” I literally eat almost 5 or 6 eggs a day, sometimes more. In my dream last night someone called me Egg Boy I think, if it’s reoccurring I’ll let you know. Vegetarians get many reactions here, I get questions ranging from “do you eat beef” to “do you eat coconut” to “do you eat bananas” on a daily basis. It really is a meat lovers paradise here, with huge, fresh, beef-pepper-mushroom-onion shish kabobs ranging from 30 to 50 cents apiece. I admit that I have been tempted, but not thrown over the edge yet.

But spinach egg soup isn’t helping. Actually the literal translation for the Thai words “spinach egg” is “gag reflex” not the less accurate but more common translation “ I’m going to puke my guts out”. But speaking of puking my guts out, let’s talk about spring rolls. I’ve always hated these things, but somehow I always find myself being forced to eat them. I was sitting in “The Mall” in korat with PeeNee, eating my sea weed and rice, when I realized that I had to try a spring roll again, the one I swore to my Viking ancestors would be my last would apparently not be my last. For those of you fortunate enough not to know what a spring roll is, its lettuce in a clear slimy rice based rap. It’s just lettuce, I thought, I’ll just put plenty of dressing, it’s like a salad! (which I hate) . After dousing my roll in the mystery sauce PeeNee had gotten I got my favorite Thai Reaction “NO! NO! NOT TOO MUCH!” Too late, it was already in my mouth. First off I literally almost puked over the whole table as soon as it touched my tongue, the taste and even worse texture are so bad I literally almost instapucked. Then the heat set in. I can’t tell you the feeling of having something in your mouth that you need out of your mouth RIGHT NOW, its something you have to experience yourself. My face must have been priceless, contorted from disgust, heat, and eventually panic as I realized the napkins in Thailand are as thin and small as a single ply toilet paper sheet, when what I needed to spit filled my entire mouth. Luckily I realized that after each of my gags I could force some food down my throat on the contraction, and I got it down after about three minutes of little polite smiles and very quick little lords prayers.

But don’t let me only talk about the bad things, everything I eat here is very healthy except for maybe the iced coffees, everything else is fresh from the market and full of everything my body craves. Even the orange s**t drink was healthy, it’s just a whole different lifestyle. Ever since my not so great Pad Thai I have had delicious Pad Thai, several servings of it at a time and I actually hope to have more tonight. Every day I seem to try a new type of fresh fruit or nut, the diversity of produce here would blow any vegetarians mind, just don’t expect people to cook it for you. Overall I would give the food here a 7, and once I am through the experimental stage and on to the eat everything I love everyday phase, I don’t doubt that this place will be a 10.